Christmas Question Ho!

HO Ho Ho
Q: Why do reindeer have red noses?
A: They are not equipped with ABS and thus tend to bump into things on
slippery surfaces. This is why Santa is often seen with a red nose (the
sleigh doesn't have an airbag, either).

Q: Why does Santa use Elves?
A: There is no trade union for Elves. They're easy to exploit.

Q: Is there really a Mrs. Claus?
A: Highly unlikely. Since Santa is surrounded by male figures (Elves, reindeer
named Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen etc.) his sexual preference seems to tend
towards homosexuality. He is said to have some problems finding a geronto-
phile/zoophile Elf for a threesome with a reindeer, though.

Q: Does Santa really live on the North Pole?
A: Uncertain. However, rumor has it that the story of Santa and the North Pole
has nothing to do with the Arctic, but that Santa is known to frequently ask
the Elves and reindeer if he can shove his pole up north. Obviously, this
is related to the cryptic description "up where the sun don't shine", which
applies to both the North Pole and assholes in general.


Q: Does Santa really work all year round making toys?
A: Get real! Check the box in which the Christmas gift came! Does it say
"Made on the North Pole"? ("Made in China", more likely)

Q: Then what does he DO all year?
A: Uncertain. Chasing Elves and reindeer, most likely. Maybe he spends his
winters in Florida.

Q: Is the story about the little angel and the Christmas tree true?
A: Without a doubt. Santa has a temper and can develop a nasty attitude (he
doesn't take stress too well).

Q: If so, why do the little angels on Christmas trees look happy (given the
fact they have a tree up theirs)?
A: Little angels are known to be kinky.

Q: Do the polar bears on the North Pole cause Santa any trouble?
A: Not since Santa equipped the guard Elves with M-61 submachine guns.

Q: So Santa is basically a gun-crazy, homosexual, angry old man who exploits
little Elves, fools around all day, and drives around in a sleigh that
lacks basic security measures?
A: You forgot about the bestiality thing.

Sponge Bob is a Batty Bwoy

A GUIDE TO SABC TV PRONUNCIATION IN SOUTH AFRICA

A GUIDE TO SABC TV PRONUNCIATION IN SOUTH AFRICA
Beck - not the front
Beds - doves, vultures, etc.
Ben - to set alight
Cut - a small vehicle drawn by a donkey
Errors - districts, e.g. "Ebbon errors" (urban areas)
Feather - Cape Town is feather than Johannesburg
Guddin - around your house, where you grow plants
Get - a hinged opening in a fence
Hair - as opposed to him
Hiss - masculine form of hairs
Itch - as in "itch and aviary pairsin"
Kennel - Army officer
Len - to acquire knowledge
Pee-Pull - Die Mense / people
Phlegm - the hot part at the end of a candle
Piss - symbolised by white doves
Suffa-Ring - as in "the pee-pull are suffa-ring"
Parrot Teksi - not a mamba of the teksi assoseshen
Toks - Negotiations
Weaner - the weaner takes all
Wekkas - they do the wek
Weld - The Earth

Crime in Airports Study

A study was made recently to determine the average crime rate at international airports around the world. The study made use of an ordinary-looking man standing in the airport terminal and reading a newspaper.

He had an empty briefcase next to him which he would ignore. Observers then recorded how long it took for the briefcase to be snatched.

At Brussels, the case was stolen within 4 minutes and 20 seconds. At Washington DC, it was stolen within 3 minutes and 16 seconds. At Heathrow, the briefcase was snatched in less than 2 minutes.

In New York, the case was stolen within 1 minute and 5 seconds and in Los Angeles, it took only 43 seconds before the case was snatched.

The experiment was going to be carried out at Johannesburg International Airport in South Africa, but the people conducting the study were hijacked on the way there.

THE LIGHTER SIDE OF AFRIKAANS NAMES ...

1. An afrikaans doctor that does circumcisions............Dr. P.P. Snyman
2. An Afrikaaner Gynaecologist...................Dr.Koek-e-moer
3. What do we call an Afrikaner who doesn't go to church...........Van NieKerk
4. What do you call an Afrikaner who failed June exams..............Viljoen
5. What do you call an Afrikaner that trips and falls in the mountains.........Van der Berg
6. The Afrikaner that votes in EVERY election ......Wouter
7. The Afrikaner that drives the loud Datsun Stanza........Basson
8. The Afrikaner that is very well endowed .........De Lange
9. A Male Afrikaner that prefers other male species...... De Kock
10. The Afrikaner thats always high.......Potgieter




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A colored being baptized!

A colored being baptized!

A coloured drunk man walking past a river sees a priest baptizing his people and decides to go for a baptism. The priest baptizes his people by dunking their heads into the water and asks, "Have you seen Jesus?"

The people respond "Yes, I've seen Jesus". When it was the drunkard's turn, the priest dunked his head into the water and pulled him out and asked him "Have you seen Jesus?"

He said no, so the priest put his head back into the water for a few more seconds and again asked "Have you seen Jesus?" The drunkard replied "No old man.

" Angrily, the priest dunked his head for a much longer time and pulled the drunkard's head out and asked him

"Have you seen Jesus?" The drunkard replied, "Ek sê my broe,........... are you sure he fell into this river?"

A kid's views on love joke

What Exactly Is Marriage?

"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, six years old

"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, nine years old


How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry?
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." -Kelly, nine years old

"My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -Carolyn, eight years old


Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" -Bert, five years old


How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet?
"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." -Lottie, nine years old

"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind." -Jeremy, eight years old


What Do Most People Do on a Date?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -Martin, ten years old

"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -Craig, nine years old


When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone?
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -Allan, ten years old

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you....If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -Kally, nine years old


The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married?
"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan" -Kirsten, ten years old

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them" -Anita, nine years old

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -Will, seven years old